Good Friday I went in for my weekly checkup. As I was explaining to my Dr. how the baby recently has started getting into fits where it moves like crazy the baby decided to give a demonstration. At the time she was looking for the heartbeat and got a little nervous at the rate our little one was going. Just to be sure the crazy heartbeat was only due to how active the baby was being.. I spent the next hour over looking Lake Superior- listening to the movements of baby over the monitor. Could the view be any more relaxing? I may have fallen asleep just for a bit..
A nurse assisting with the non-stress test kindly woke me and asked if this was my first pregnancy. When I told her it was our third (and the ages of Jameson and Lucia), she laughed and said with a smile “my.. the next year is not gonna be fun.”
I didn’t ask for her opinion.
I’ve been getting more remarks lately or just a raised eyebrow. Sometimes I can feel empathy in remarks from others who have raised young children close in age. But other times, it just feels rude.. like the nurse who apparently doesn’t envy the road I’m on.
Yes- I know how one gets pregnant and we believe in birth control. But sometimes… sometimes birth control doesn’t work. Do we call this baby a mistake? Never. Are we overwhelmed? Yes, wonderfully overwhelmed.
If I allow myself to freak out and think of life (our current life) with an infant, I can think of many questions on how this will work. But in the end, it will work. (Many other people have children even closer together in age then our own!) I’m learning it comes down to trust. We don’t have control. Things happen that completely alter the path of life. They are unexpected and yet are beautiful. I don’t want to just say that I trust God enough- I want to really trust God enough.
I will be honest about the struggles & joys of being a mother to young ones who are utterly dependent. Because its real and to me the real is so much richer then the fluff.
Praise God for life. For planning for our first and second spring baby, and for today… anxious to see our surprise third spring baby.
Yes, I’m wonderfully overwhelmed.