I turned 30 this winter (even typing it is slightly depressing). I convinced our two older kids that I’m now twenty-one. Jameson actually brings up my age often (since we’re in the writing/reading phase) and has told many people I’m twenty-one. Ryan thinks this is a cruel joke to play on our preschooler. I think it’s genius (note: Ryan isn’t 30 yet). I think thirty is doubly depressing when you’re not feeling well. Because face it.. nothing is as fun when we don’t feel well.
I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. I’ve been to quite a few different doctors, and really have very little clarity on WHAT this is. Sure, I’m tired and I’ve had kids relatively close together… but my body hurts. At this point I’d call it chronic. The doctors I’ve seen are looking more confused which makes me feel even worse. So far there have only been guesses.. The whole time one of the overwhelming thoughts I have is that “my body shouldn’t feel like this when I’m still young”. I guess the thought isn’t wrong, but who ever said what a thirty year old should feel like.
Last week Ryan and I had an appointment together downtown, so afterwards I joined him in a church visitation to see a sixteen year old girl in the hospital. The girl was actually sleeping, so we visited with her parents. The only hospital visitation I’ve done in the past with my pastor husband is when someone in our church has had a baby. That’s fun visitation! Otherwise, I would avoid going in a hospital (for any reason). I don’t like medical talk, I don’t like seeing people sick as much as I don’t like being sick. But.. I went and I left feeling really glad I went. It was a good reminder that there are many people sick (young and old) and families that have to manage life with sickness. I had the opportunity to listen to parents who needed to talk about their daughter but also needed a distraction from the sickness. Even just for a bit.
It’s a beautiful thing when we can take our focus off ourselves and look around. We’re not the only ones hurting, confused, frustrated.
Perspective. It’s all about perspective.