I have this problem with things being half done. Loose ends bother me in unhealthy ways. When Ryan and I were first married I spent a great deal of time keeping things organized, clean, and cute. Our first five years of marriage were very orderly.
Now with each baby I’ve reached a new point of acceptance. I have to do less organizing, cleaning, and decorating. We accumulate more. There are messes everywhere. And I look around and literally tell myself “it’s FINE. it’s FINE.”
A couple weeks ago now we took apart Jameson and Lucia’s shared room. I had weekend plans to make our office into a girls space. As soon as things were piled everywhere through the upstairs, the girls got sick. Fevers, kleenex, coughing, and cuddling the rest of our weekend. Of course it was super frustrating… because I had plans.
I’ve been reading this book on being a mom. Honestly, it’s been less of a fun read. It’s been homework. It’s pointing out some major gaps in me. Insecurities that are magnified right now.. truths that hurt. This past week I did a chapter exercise that consisted of what I think makes an ideal mother. Things came to mind quickly. I want to be affirming. I want to know who my children are so that I can help them grow best. I want to show them love in the way they need it. I want them to remember me holding them as much as I corrected them. I want them to work alongside me as well as play beside me. I want to listen to what they have to say.
(angel blush paint )
Life appeared so orderly before, yet when I think about it.. I wasn’t. This place (here) exposes me. It stretches me and I realize I have more work to do. There are a whole lot of loose ends..
*Sometime in the near future we’ll have our girls space setup. The angel blush paint is about the prettiest color pink I can imagine. I might even call myself a fan of it!
Happy weekend, friends.