We just concluded a series at church last week called Enemies of the Heart based on the book. I haven’t read the book, but the series was uncomfortably good. One of the thoughts our pastor shared on the week about greed is that we need to look at our money as something we manage vs own. “Managers have a freedom that owners can never experience”. Its such a simple idea really, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot.
I don’t feel like greed is one of my bigger struggles. Although we all deal with it. Don’t we? But.. the thought of managing has stuck. I’m responsible with what I do with what I’ve been given. Because I believe God’s given it all. Not only when I pay the weekly bills, but other things as well… my time, my energy, the way I care for others, the way I care for myself. I’m a manager. And if it’s really all HIS to begin with, my job is to go to the boss and say: “what do you want me to do?” I have so much I could do any given day. Where should my energy be spent?
I’m not feeling my prime. My energy is low. I’ve struggled since having kids. Healing has been slow. The longer this has gone on and the more I’ve searched for answers… I’ve only come up with a couple conclusions. The biggest conclusion- my body has changed. I knew it would, but it’s been a hard thing in my life. I don’t honestly want to give it more time to heal or rest (because I have so much I could be doing). The journey of health is teaching me about taking care of myself. Something I don’t know how to do well. It’s slowed me down..
This journey has also upset me. Because I want it to be easier. I want to be in control of my body. I don’t want my kids to suffer because mom is having a bad day. I don’t want my husband to suffer because he has to carry more. I don’t want life
to be to feel like a mess because my to do list is running out of room. I’ve had conversations with God about it.. but.. He doesn’t always give us explanations. I’m feeling a new freedom that He knows. He is in control and I just need to do a better job of managing. Today.
I’m responsible with what I do with what I’ve been given.
I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a lot to manage because I’ve been blessed. Richly.