My husband and I stayed up too late last night hanging plates on our wall. Yes, you read that correctly. You know your husband really loves you when he’ll do things he calls “ridiculous”, because you want to do them. For example: hanging plates on your wall. We bought these plates (as part of a whole dish set) at Bed, Bath & Beyond when we were engaged. We were poor college students and found this big beat up box of dirt cheap white dishes.. for something to the tune of $30. We’ve broken and lost quite a few of the pieces since. It makes me happy and then a little tired thinking of how many times I’ve washed these plates. So- now they’re on my wall. On my freshly painted dining room walls (more on that next week!) But I’m in love with my dining room.
Speaking of love- this week we celebrate our eleven year anniversary. I look at us and it doesn’t seem right- that we’ve been married eleven years. Then I look at our wedding pictures and we look like we’re twelve and fourteen. So it makes more sense.
Ryan has been reading a book on marriage recently and has shared thoughts at night when we’re talking. We’ve talked about the covenant of marriage. Covenant: a legal contract/a bond. One WE made before God. I took that covenant very seriously. Still.. in the back of my mind I’ve come to realize I’ve always thought Ryan could leave.. or that I would. I haven’t walked around thinking we were bound to divorce, but if something big happened/ if he got angry enough/if things didn’t change… I think I’ve held onto it like a security blanket because I’ve felt incredible rejection before in my life. I’ve seen so many broken relationships around me. And thats what people do. They hurt one another. They choose not to forgive. But marriage isn’t meant to be a reflection of ourselves/of our humanness. Is it? It’s suppose to be a reflection of God. In us.
Instead be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as God through Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
God forgave our past sin, He forgave us while we were still sinning, He even forgave sins to come. Forgiveness comes first. My insecurities haven’t been in who Ryan is. He has shown me over the past eleven years that he is committed. He has been a steady force. He is not easily shaken. My insecurities have been rooted in me. My history. Our recent talks about our covenant (the one we made eleven years ago) remind me we continue to make this before God, to each other, and to our children. We’ve been forgiven so that we can forgive.
This is love.