who I am

As a mom.. have you had those days (weeks) you need to be reminded of who you are? NOT whose mom you are.  Who you are.

This place as a mom can feel like auto-pilot.  I do what I need to.  On repeat.  I cross of lists and calendars.  I shuffle around Ryan’s schedule.  I cook.  I clean.  I read the same six children books for weeks because my kids know what they like and stick to it.  All the while I wonder how I’m doing as a mom, feeling the pressure that I really should be getting this right because I give most of life doing it.  This is when I need to stop the crazy thoughts that end up with my kids in therapy because “mom was nuts”.

I am exactly the mom my kids need.  I know this because God entrusted me with this role in Jameson, Lucia, and Colette’s life.  Not because he knew I’d be perfect, but because He can use my imperfections.  When I need a reminder of who I am, I have to stare back at God.  Yesterday while Ryan and I were taking communion in church we prayed for each other (I didn’t tell him what to pray for or my feelings).  He started praying that I would be reminded that I’m God’s.  I’m his daughter.  In that simple truth I feel empowered!  Not just as a mom.

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In my last post I talked about how it’s not about our story, but how we’re telling Gods story in the way we live our life.  I wonder how this changes the way I am a mom.  What action do I need to take?  Because God’s story wouldn’t be “how comfortably can I do this?” “how good can it make me look?”  Recently our hearts have been pulled again towards the possibility of adopting through the foster care system.  It’s something that scars me.. in big ways.  Because it’s out of my comfort zone.  Because it could hurt.

The opposite of becoming comfortable is taking action.  Its to err on the side of doing something!  Because as much as it scares me, thinking of the children (the millions of children) that need a home breaks my heart.

I need boldness to respond.  Just to take the first step in this case.

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