this is it

So- I took the whole summer off of blogging.  Unintentional.. but I had a sense that might be coming.  Whoops.  I’m okay with that. Blogging has never and will never be about stats or followers.  It’s been a place to put my voice.  It’s where I write thoughts that I’ve been tossing around for weeks.  It’s where I document our family and how we’re growing/changing. And if it’s a place where others can come to hopefully be encouraged, or inspired, or just not feel alone.. major bonus!  And so- I’m back.. with a lot of words needing to be written. First of which-  This is it –

My mother-in-law sent me a photo copy from a devotional I had sent her this summer.  (I love how it came back to me!)  The devotional went like this:

This is what I’m finding, in glimpses and flashes- this is it.  This is it, in the best possible way.  That thing I’m waiting for, that adventure, that movie score worthy experience unfolding gracefully.  This is it.  Normal, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and our secrets. I believe that this way of living, this focus on the present, the daily, the tangible, this intense concentration not on the news headlines but on the flowers growing in the garden, the children growing in your own home, this way of living has the potential to open up the heavens, to yield a glittering handful of diamonds where a second ago there was only coal.  This way of living and noticing and building can crack through the movie sets and soundtracks that keep us waiting for our own life stories to begin, and set us free to observe the lives we have been creating all along without even realizing it.  

June first we were licensed with foster care and have spent the majority of our summer with at least one extra kiddo here.  So this break from blogging for me has been largely consumed by parenting.  Summer break + foster kids… Just imagine how excited I am for school to start in SIX days!!  It’s always interesting to me how people will choose to respond to major life changes you are making.  With foster care I’ve heard a few reactions. But mostly the question “why do that NOW?”  My response “why not?”

The foster care system is heart breaking.  I have to be really careful in not posting identifying pictures on social media, or giving too many of the details about the four kids we’ve now had in our home- but it is summed up well by saying it has broken my heart. I’ve allowed myself to see the faces and stories of “foster care”.  I’ve allowed myself to fall in love with kids that are not my own and won’t permanently be a part of my life.  But the heart break again teaches me that there is beauty in pain.  Real beauty.  By opening ourselves up to this we’ve seen our three kids respond amazingly to loving and caring for complete strangers to them. We’ve had people in our church family join the foster care team by lending us baby gear, bringing us meals, babysitting, and just listening.  We’ve had my sister Debbi stop in more with coffee and cuddle time (for the kids) and show up instantly to help treat our two-year-old foster girl who had lice.  Like major lice.  That is love!

When we started the paperwork for foster care I had so many questions and doubts about how this would work for our family.  Three months in and I am so so thankful that we didn’t wait.  That we didn’t put off this feeling that we were to be involved thinking that a better time was coming.  Foster care is changing me.  I am able to look at our three kids with new eyes.  I’m able to see motherhood (with all the ups and downs) as a much bigger gift- because I have them here.  Day in and day out I have my family.  Through our dreams, prayers, fights, and victories.

This is it!


One thought on “this is it

  1. Yes, yes it is. “It.” The mundane, the everyday, the imperfect “not quite how I want it to be, the life we have now. This is it!!

    You might enjoy a short book by Kathleen Norris called “Quotidian Mysteries.” I’m reading it now and it’s the same, rich, encouraging stuff as the devotional you quoted.

    Also, glad you guys didn’t decide to wait! The love you’re giving is very much needed!!

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